i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Ketchup is God's man juice
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
