why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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