how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
