In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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