So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
