how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
