i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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