So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
