Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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