He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
