Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
