You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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