I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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