just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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