I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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