You smell like a Billy Joel song
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
