I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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