I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
