Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
