I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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