That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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