I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
