i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
