pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
