So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
