In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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