my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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