I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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