I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
