i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
