Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
