I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
