Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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