we're chasing vodka with high fives
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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