I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
