She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
