How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
fuck your aforementioned shoe
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
