i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
