when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
