Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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