I faked an abortion last night.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
