my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
