good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
