I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
tequila makes me forget i have legs
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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