I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I wish I only lived at night.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
