I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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