Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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