I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sorry my hands just texted you
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
