Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
