he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
