I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Randomize
