what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
